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2. MANAGING ONE'S EMOTIONS
Downs as well as ups are a given in life however they
need to be in balance. Interestingly enough when we
are feeling good, life is rosy and we are cheerful and
upbeat. It's when we are down, in a bad mood or sad
that we need to put the checks and balances in place.
The spin-offs of managing one's emotions are great -
less frustration, aggression, anger, negativity, hurt
(to self and others), better stress management - the
list goes on. Psychologist Diane Tice lists some mood
lifters that we need to activate at low times:
· Tackling overdue tasks
i.e. getting stuck into something that keeps one focused
· Helping someone else - helps to defocus
from ourselves and onto someone else
· Downward comparisons (very interesting)
e.g. after a break-up of a relationship - looking at
the things that weren't right rather than what was i.e.
how you were mismatched instead of focusing on all the
things that you still want
· Prayer - If you are spiritual or religious
· Exercise, crying or a good massage -
also help
"Emotions are wild horses.
It is not explanations that carry us forward,
but our will to go on." - Paulo Coelho |
3. MOTIVATING ONE'S SELF:
The extent to which emotional upsets can interfere with
our thought processes and concentration is no stranger
to any of us. We probably all at times have felt overwhelmed,
defocused, helpless and even illogical in our responses.
Positive motivation - i.e. marshalling feelings of enthusiasm,
positive energy, zeal and confidence all result in achievement
- however we know it is not always easy to do this.
From an Emotional Intelligence standpoint, realistic
optimism and hope are attitudes that will prevent us
from falling into negativity, depression, apathy, despair
or hopelessness. The great thing… is optimism can
be learned. Albert Bandura a psychologist says that
people's beliefs about their abilities have a profound
affect on those abilities. In other words developing
a sense of self efficacy will help one bounce back from
failure and adversity and keep one motivated - the spin-offs
obviously in all spheres of one's life - immense.
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"Ability is what you are capable of.
Motivation determines what you do.
Attitude determines how well you do it."
- Lou Holtz
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4. EMPATHY WITH OTHERS
Rapport, caring and attunement with others all comes
from empathy - the ability to know how another feels.
The key to tuning in to others is generally through
non verbal channels - tone of voice, facial expression,
body language etc. Interestingly enough, empathy builds
on self-awareness - the more open and aware we are of
our own emotions and feelings - the more skilled we
become in reading those of others. Through tests devised
by Robert Rosenthal - a Harvard psychologist - results
show that women are in fact better at empathising than
men!! Empathy however is a skill that can be learned.
Work on your own levels of self awareness and you will
in turn attune more with others - the positive spin-offs
will be in all aspects of your life.
"Some people think only
intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems,
knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an
advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect
are insufficient without courage,
love, friendship, compassion and empathy."
- Dean Koontz |
5. RELATIONSHIP HANDLING
The skill here is that of managing emotions in others
- these are the abilities that give us popularity, interpersonal
effectiveness, leadership and good people skills. Whether
we are aware of it or not we send emotional signals
in every encounter we have with another person. The
more skilled we are, the better we control and handle
these signals. What we need to learn here is that what
we put out to others we often get back - i.e. put out
negativity or anger to someone… they will react
the same way in their response to you. John Cacioppo
a psychologist at Ohio State University says that just
seeing someone express an emotion can evoke the mood
in the other person - both positive and negative. So
be more aware of setting the emotional tone in your
interaction with others.
| "It's the things in common
that make relationships enjoyable but it's the little
differences that make them interesting." -
Todd Ruthman |
In conclusion…evidence
proves that people who are adept emotionally, who know
how to manage their feelings, who read and effectively
deal with the feelings of others are at an advantage
in every aspect of life. The higher our emotional intelligence
the more likely we are to be content, focused and effective
in every domain of life. The good news is that we can
learn these skills or if need be improve them. So ask
yourself:
· How emotionally intelligent am I?
· Do I need to make some adjustments/changes
and if so what - perhaps more importantly when?
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