Having just finished reading a book by Bronnie Ware, called the “Top Five Regrets of the Dying", I wanted to share her message. Ware wrote the book after spending years in palliative care, nursing and tending to the needs of dying people. What emerges in her book is that people grow when they are faced with their own mortality. Each person experienced a variety of emotions, such as denial, fear, anger, remorse and regret and eventually acceptance. However Ware documents that every one of her patients, when questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced repeatedly:

I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself,
not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made or not made. Furthermore they had lived a life that often was what others had expected of them not the one they had wanted. The Lesson here is firstly to honour at least some of your dreams along your journey of life. (A reminder to read my Newsletter 33 on Bucket Lists). When you lose your health, it is too late. The second Lesson is to be true to yourself and aspirations. Where possible don’t settle for anything less than what you believe in and also what you believe you deserve!

I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male as well as many women patients that Ware nursed. They regretted missing their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. All of the men Ware nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying one’s lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that one thinks one does. By creating more space and simplicity in your life you become happier and more open to new opportunities. The Lesson here is to find that reasonable work/life balance and make the necessary sacrifices and choices to pursue this diligently. The second Lesson is to apply the KISS principle in all aspects of our lifestyle. Life is not complicated we make it complicated.

I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Ware wrote about how many of her patients had admitted suppressing their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result so many settled for an existence of mediocrity and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We need to be honest with ourselves and others and this results in making changes and encouraging open and on-going communication. This will raise ones relationships to a whole new and healthier level or it will release the unhealthy relationships from your life. Either way you win. Just a reminder of what Dr Phil McGraw shares in his book Winning Strategies: stop making excuses – you teach people how to treat you! The Lesson here – be true to yourself!

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often patients would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. It is common for us in our busy lifestyles to let friendships slip. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. How often have you wanted to make contact with someone then got too busy or it slipped your mind. How often have we ‘been meaning’ to get in touch with someone who has be on our mind. The Lesson: Do it now!

In summary this is YOUR life.
Choose consciously, wisely and honestly. Above all choose happiness. Don’t ever one day say that the top regret in your life was: I wish I had listened to the wisdom of others.

Don’t wait for that wake-up call because by then it will be too late.

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